Sometimes you just need to vent. Life just kinds of builds up… expressing a feeling is a survival tactic, like letting steam out of a tea kettle. It’s not necessarily solicitation for advice or lectures from anyone. Particularly people who have no real understanding of what you’re going through. In this world - some people have more steam than others, and there’s not always a reason. Trust me, just like no one CHOOSES to be gay - no one CHOOSES to be full of steam. Although I know it’s much easier to believe everything in life is a choice, I just don’t believe it’s that simple for everyone. Intangibles like physical depression and alcoholism are real and unchosen. Just like cancer is real. Or sexual orientation. Or height. We all have our handicaps, and all anyone can do is their best. Also, when someone is depressed or upset the WORST thing you can say to them is “cheer up”. It’s basically invalidating someone’s true emotions and telling them get over it just to make those around them more comfortable. One of the most respectful and meaningful things you can do for a person is let them be exactly the way they are, and let them feel exactly what they’re feeling, without making them feel bad about it. As I said earlier, I know most people think everything about life, including the way you feel, is a choice. That you can just change things by flipping a switch (or by exercising, cleaning etc) We’re not all like that. It’s harder to make changes for some than it is for others. If you don’t agree with that it’s because you don’t understand it and aren’t one of those people. Don’t be heartless! There’s really no answer for this. It’s just the way I am. Maybe the real question should be; Why aren’t YOU sad? I mean, look around you. We live in a fucked up world full of fucked up people and horrible things. There are so many reasons to be sad, I can’t help but feel the weight of those things as I walk around in my day to day life. I know there is beauty and there are reasons to be happy but I find, generally, the weight of the bad drowns out the good. So maybe I’m chemically imbalanced. Or maybe I’m not the freak. Maybe you’re all just insensitive and so trained to ignore what’s really going on, or to overcompensate for it with overzealous optimism and positivity. Now, I seem cynical and bitter I’m sure… Some of that is part of my sense of humor, a defense mechanism, a protection, my way of operating. Sometimes it’s hyperbole and sometimes it masks an underlying optimism that I’m to scared to show. So many people have a hard time viewing anything but what’s on the surface but the anger and the depression - the darkness… they’re all very real and part of who I am. I don’t know why I feel the need to express all of this - especially here… Just letting out some steam I guess. Hope everyone is well….
